How To Change Your Life | Mental Illness | Relationships | Behaviour

How To Change Your Life | Mental Illness | Relationships | Behaviour

How To Change Your Life:

As adults, the majority of our behaviour is habitual; we can associate particular behavioural patterns with someone we know and can, therefore, notice any change that might spark intrigue or concern. In fact, the older we get, the more predictable we become, so much so, that companies are able to predict their future sales revenue and not be far off the exact amount. In children, however, our behaviour is not habitual because we are in the process of learning how to behave and survive as a person, which is why adults raising kids, feel a loss of control and or lack of emotional stability.  Why is this? Because in this world, those who raise us or have great influence over our childhood experience, aren’t always in a position to be around long enough to notice how an event or situation has truly affected us and more importantly, how we as the child, have emotionally reacted to particular circumstances and experiences that happen both in our environment and directly to us. It is not surprising, that the adults automatically assume our behavioural changes are due to hormones, defiance, tantrums and mood-swings because sometimes it is exactly that, but as a result, we the child, continue to subconsciously allow our emotional reactions to develop unhealthy habits within the mind because we are not aware or taught just how important, the role of our emotions play in creating the physical structure of our brain as we age nor what they are truly for or how to use them to our benefit.

To those who are currently reading this, I wonder how many of you were ever taught to stop and ask yourselves ‘Why am I reacting emotionally this way to any given hurdle or situation? Why am I making the same mistakes my mother, father or guardian did? Why have I found myself in a similar relationship to that of my parents or guardians?

What we learn from our emotional experience as a child, affects how we love, how we express ourselves, our self-confidence, the way in which we feel about ourselves, how we search for love, how we treat people, how we set and achieve goals, how we feel about money and family, our core beliefs and dictates how we react and respond to any future situation or choice.

You see, it is only upon reflection and daily meditation, that I now understand, that every experience, every feeling, every observation and overheard discussion I had as a child, shaped my current mental state, it is, for all of us, the creation of our minds blueprint for how successful or not our relationships will be, what choices we make and what we seek in life that will match what we learned emotionally as children. Everything I have come to discover, has undoubtedly, broadened my understanding of why and how my habitual behaviour has affected my life and more importantly, that changing those habits and patterns are possible.

A pivotal point for me was to discover what emotional understanding I gave to words. For example, when we define a word such as Love, the majority of us will either reiterate the religious definition or of course, the dictionary definition but when was the last time anyone asked you how do you define that word emotionally?’ You see, we don’t just define something by the way in which it has been taught to us; we attach an emotional understanding to it also, which rightly or wrongly, becomes the true definition for you, even if it contradicts our education.  Another example is that we are told in the Oxford English Dictionary, that ‘Money is a current medium of exchange in the form of coins and banknotes; coins and banknotes collectively.’ and yet emotionally for me, Money meant and related to power, freedom, sacrifice and love. Why? Because throughout my childhood, I learned that money was earned through work and work came before family because providing material things and having financial security, was how you loved someone; a private school education, vacations, shopping trips etc became proof that I was loved and not by their presence or acknowledgement. How did this affect me as an adult? I undermined the value of being present with someone, I thought that distance geographically in relationships, aided the development of a strong foundation, I felt I had to be extraordinarily special or wealthy in order to be valued by someone and giving gifts or making their dreams come true, kept them by my side. If someone financially looked after me, then that meant they loved me and visa versa.

Ultimately, after living in auto-pilot mode for the majority of my life, lead to years of suffering from the self-imprisonment of crippling mental health issues, which sequentially became the biggest blessing of my life; without this experience, I would not have studied neuroplasticity, created self-awareness through meditation, learned and unlearned habits and more importantly, faced my past and asked myself ‘why and how did I get here?‘ And I am by no means a medical professional or psychiatrist but thankfully, none of us needs a certificate on the wall, in order to research, learn and understand the majority of information out there.

Only in a state of self-awareness and returning to my core being, love; turning theory into practice from what I researched, was I able to determine what it took for me to change my entire life. I learned what it took to rid myself of everything that no longer served me; surrendering to change, feeling grateful for ruin and destruction that once pained me to experience, because I finally understood that in order to truly transform, we must allow for gratitude, to lead us through the former resistance of letting go so that we can welcome what is to come; what we want, desire and need. We must allow what no longer is necessary, to fall apart without resistance. Releasing the ropes that bind us emotionally to circumstances and lessons we experienced in the past, gives us the freedom to make choices that serve our well-being, in an uninhibited state of mind. It provides us with the opportunity to live the life we want and feel that we deserve and that is what inspired me to write my book that is coming soon.

Our abilities as humans are incredible don’t you think? At any given point, without self-awareness, we can develop habits that either create the life we want to live or destroy it which is why I decided two years ago to move to Florence, Italy with my parents and Boo the chihuahua and redesign my entire life from learning to love myself, truly and not in an egotistical way, but from within. As a result, I learned that we are made of love; I developed an inner want, a desire to look after my body and mind by researching and experimenting with ingredients,  meditating twice a day every day and I even started yoga which allowed me to deepen the connection between my mind and body and expanded my awareness of what is truly important; my health, remaining in the warmth of the love within, and overall well-being.

I needed to be in tune with my body in order to be present; relax my mind so that I wasn’t constantly living in it, feel into what needed my attention on a daily basis to make sure I dealt with any potential issues as they happened. I have never maintained an external routine in my life for more than 10 days but as I write this, I am now on my 40th consecutive day of yoga which I do from home, via youtube with my 67-year-old father.

It blows my mind to think about the changes I have been able to make and what has surprised me is my change in motives; I haven’t maintained this routine because I am disciplined or because summer is approaching or I simply wish to look good, but because it is of service to my well-being and that is the difference, that is what now excites me when I return to the mat.

Upon learning about neuroplasticity, how the brain learns, reading for hours psychology studies and medical research documentation I decided to compare these scientific studies with religious, spiritual based knowledge that made it very apparent that it is indeed science that has to catch up with alleged truths rather than the other way around and write about the correlation between that of medical finds, scientific research and spirituality. I learned new skills I had never even thought was possible such as coding, photoshop, logo design, I started a business and this website, I started to interview some of the women I had met throughout my years of living and working in 8 different countries asking why and how they started their business; what motivated them, what gave them the self-belief to become successful in any and all definitions of the word! I took up drawing again because I used to love that as a child and gaming. I discovered my true purpose in life and am following it like a compass without any fear or judgement from what people think. Why don’t we do what we love anymore? Why don’t we use our imagination or discover new places in our area or do what makes us happy, at least some of the time?

So I am creating the world I want to live in; writing my truth, living vulnerably and leaning into joy as Dr Brene Brown would say; I’m sharing what I have learned, living fearlessly, starting a YouTube channel, continuing to learn new skills and live through love because if there is one thing I know to be true in life, is that we are all equipped with everything we will ever need in life and those talents lay not externally but within us all and through returning to and leading a life of love, ends all abuse, all racism, all suffering, all divisiveness, all insecurities, all hate and crime and ilness. That is the world I want to be privy to.

My goal is to empower you to travel this path with me, learn through the art of mindfulness, meditation, the powerful impact learning to love yourself will have on you and those around you, release those emotions that tie you to your past, so that you can start designing the world YOU want to live in with no more fear, stress, anxiety, or anything deemed ‘mental health issues’.

The only thing black or white in this world is whether we are truly happy or not. The choice is always ours to make. 

Sending you all, love and light.

Frances

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