Habitual Behaviour: Make Permanent Life Changes

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Habitual behaviour is formed by our emotions that in turn, shape our brain and define our language. This guide will help create and change these habitual patterns of behaviours in order to make permanant life changes.

As adults, the majority of our behaviour is habitual; we can associate particular behavioural patterns with someone we know and therefore, notice any change that might spark intrigue or concern. For example, signs of being bullied, early stages of mental illness, troubles at home or any unsual behavior etc.

It is widely known, that the older we get, the more predictable we become, so much so, that companies are able to anticipate future sales revenue and not be far off the exact amount.

Now, if certain behaviour has been and continues to be beneficial to your life, then you may not want to change that. However, personally, I would rather be able to choose what habitual behavioural patterns I want to keep and what I want to unlearn, wouldn’t you?

Throughout this website, you will find that I provide a lot of information on how the mind actually works and how exactly, we begin training it.

Whether it is to stop drug addiction, relationship dependency, manifest or create a better life, alter emotional reactions, discover what is blocking your progression or change unprovoked emotional reactions, we must always go within first, for answers.

The answers we seek are never external, especially when it comes to who we are and why we behave in a particular way. A therapist, a psychiatrist or even a doctor can give you all the advice in the world but only you will bear the consequences of those decisions, and ultimately, you are the one who has to do the work internally.

How and When Do We Create Habitual Behaviour?

Children live in a world of feeling and learn fears, trauma, love language, how to develop and maintain relationships and how to emotionally respond to circumstances, emotionally until the age of 7. This in turn, shapes the physical structure of their brain and creates the foundation for their habitual behaviour.

For example, did you learn that the stove would burn your hand because you were verbally told it was hot or did you learn not to touch something hot because you remember the emotional pain of burning you hand?

When we are in the process of learning how to behave and survive, we are in fact undergoing an Emotional Education, however, the majority of us are not aware of this process because as adults, we are not aware that we can control and choose our own emotional responses.

  • Smack a child – the child learns that when the adult feels a loss of control emotionally, mainly fueled by anger, it is appropriate to be violent to win the war.
  • Tell a child to stop crying when hurt – the child learns that when we suffer or feel sad, they should suppress those feelings.

The person or people who raise us have an enormous influence over our childhood experiences and they aren’t always in a position to be around long enough to notice how an event or situation has truly affected us.

How Do Emotions Shape Our Behaviour At Childhood?

It is not surprising, that adults automatically assume a child’s behavioural changes are due to hormones and general bad behaviour because we are not provided with a conscious, emotional education.

The ‘misbehaving/ hormonal child’ is simply emotionally uneducated; unable to recognise, control and or even verbalise how and why they feel the way they do.

If any behaviour, emotionally or otherwise, is repeated enough, it will signal to the subconscious mind that this is something we need to remember. As a result, the neurons physically create a new alignment that allows us to automatically repeat that behavior or emotional pattern, without consciously thinking about it.

Emotional Control

I wonder how many of you were ever taught to stop and ask yourselves ‘Why am I reacting emotionally this way to any given hurdle or situation? Why am I making the same mistakes my mother, father or guardian did? Why have I found myself in a similar relationship to that of my parents or guardians?

What we learn from our emotional experience as a child, affects how we love, how we express ourselves, it determines our level of self-worth, our self-confidence, how we love others, how we treat people, how we set and achieve goals, how we feel about money and family, our core beliefs and dictates how we react and respond to our environment and make choices.

You see, it is only upon reflection and daily meditation, that I now understand, that every experience, every feeling, every observation and overheard discussion I had as a child, shaped my current mental state, it is, for all of us, the creation of our minds blueprint for how successful or not our relationships will be, what choices we make and what we seek in life that will match what we learned emotionally as children.

Everything I have come to discover, has undoubtedly, broadened my understanding of why and how my habitual behaviour has affected my life and more importantly, that changing those habits and patterns are possible.

To learn more about emotional intelligence and start your journey, click here.

How to develop new habitual patterns of behaviour:

Without self-awareness and emotional education, we are relying on the auto-pilot mind to develop habits that either create the life we want to live or destroy it.

In order to change our habitual behaviour, we must first acknowledge the changes we wish to make, meditate in order to become more self-aware, develop emotional intelligence and control, and most importantly, practice daily, new emotional responses to what were once, emotional triggers.

How to know if your brain training is working:

The brain so far has been on auto-pilot mode; I imagine the brain like an unruly toddler, doing what it wants, throwing tantrums and so on and so forth. Whilst you are training the brain, it will fight you all the way with attempts to pull you off track; doubtful thoughts that make you give up, exhaustion, procrastination and everything in between.

What this actually means is, your daily training is getting the attention of your subconscious mind and is in fact working, which gives reason to push through this uncomfortable period.

It takes the average mind 24-126 days to form a habitual pattern of behavior.

Remember, the conscious mind is not storing what we learn long-term, for example, if you wanted to learn a new skill such as the piano, you could practice non stop for a few days, feel confident that you know the tune, and then take a break for a few weeks. Upon returning to the piano, you may find that you have forgotten most of how to play the paino.

If we were to practice that skill daily for more than 24 days, the subconscious mind will acknowledge that this new skill is something we need to remember long-term and create a habitual pattern of behaviour that allows us to play that piano without consciously thinking about it.


This website will provide you with a starting point, and create an understanding of how you begin retraining your mind, which can change genrational, emotional patterns that no longer serve you, and others.

Sending you all, love and light.

Frances

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