Love language may sound like a ridiculous term and yet, as you will discover throughout this post, is the key determinant to the health and success of all relationships. This really is a simple yet effective tool which enables us to give love and receive love, the correct way.
Now seriously, do you know your love language? Do you know your mothers love language? Do you know your fathers love language? What about your partners love language?
No one is a mind reader. If you do not know how you need to be loved, then any relationship you have or enter into is solely reliant on persons figuring that out and do you really want the success of any relationship to be dependent on luck?
How many avoidable arguments has there been, over you or your partners seemingly inability to love you correctly?
How we give and receive love has been directly determined by whom we were influenced by and observed during the first 7 years of our lives.
During this significant stage, our brain is in ‘programming mode‘, meaning, we are learning about our environment, the self and those around us emotionally.
We are in a constant state of ‘download‘; defining those relationships through observation from how those emotions such as anger, hatred, grief, joy, happiness and love are expressed, to the actions and behaviours those emotions incur.
This programming is not absorbed linguistically because, at that age, our language is governed by our emotions and our emotions shape the brain. For example, you did not truly learn that the stove was hot because someone told you but by getting burned; the emotional pain of touching the hot stove was how you learned the lesson.
We define our thoughts and words by the emotions we attached to them as children, long before we attend school and learn the dictionary definition. Therefore, how healthy our relationships are as adults, is solely dependant on how healthy our influencers relationships were when we were
Sounds terrifying when you think of those children who grew up around a
As I am sure you know, there are several articles online and books that go into great detail over the 5 or sometimes, 7 types of love languages. However, as a therapist and studier of neuroscience, it’s not in my nature to coerce people into choosing how they should feel, give and receive love by offering them such limited choices that place them into a box. I like to be more direct and break it down into its simplest form so that you may truly understand, your own needs.
Create your love language:
Love language is something that has had a profound effect on my family dynamic and external relationships. Why? By learning how we need to be loved and how others need to be loved, we create an even playing field for all parties.
Allow me to elaborate using personal examples that will help you to further understand the importance of love language in a variety of relationships.
If you do not know how to be loved or what that person can do to make you feel loved, then you are allowing the opportunity for that relationship to end, over something that is totally avoidable and yet fundamental to the success and strength of that relationship.
My mothers love language consists of several points (incomplete):
- A clean and tidy home.
- Everything is organised and in its rightful place; determined by her.
- She needs a place to vent without necessarily needing an opinion on the matter.
- This display of the food on a plate is just as important as how it tastes.
- Each success or achievement is recognised and praised.
- Acknowledgement of any self-growth.
- Conversations that make her think deeply or reflect on her life; including, an intelligent perspective on various situations.
- Be in control and responsible for positive events such as trips, holidays, birthdays etc.
My love language (incomplete):
- I am brave, therefore, I do not necessarily need any defending but simply standing there with me when needed, is important.
- Let me be heard; if I have recently learned something new and want to tell you about it, I need you to be as excited as I am.
- The teacher; allow me to guide you through situations I am experienced in and provide me with the opportunity to help you when needed.
- Adored; I feel at my best when my talents, perspective and the effort I have put into self-growth or looking good, is recognized and appreciated.
- Honesty; I would rather someone be straight forward and upfront about what and how they feel.
Taking the time to think about how you feel love will further enable your ability to love yourself, which is vitally important.
In having an honest conversation with my mother about what she needs in order to feel the love from me, we were able to establish a list in which I could fulfil and vice versa.
By doing so, we were able to reflect on any past issues with a fresh perspective, concluding, how avoidable and
Do you understand how important love language is?
Providing people with the opportunity to love you correctly, enables them to not only understand you at your core level but strengthen that bond which contributes to its longevity.
Learning a persons love language is beneficial to any and all relationships in your life; take the time to figure it out and know that if and when something on that list changes, communicate. There are many reasons to argue and fight over but when we create a strong foundation that both parties are clear on and maintain, everything else, can be worked on over time without damaging the fundemantals of that relationship.
I would like to leave you with a question that I myself have been mulling over and I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below and or on any of my social media accounts; @worldoffrances.
How many of your relationships could be saved or would not have fallen apart in the first place, if you knew one another’s love language?
Sending you all love and light,